The Voice

here i am,

waiting my lil sis coming home.

it's 3.31 and she still doesnt come home from her work, -__-"

i dont know what to do, since i dont want to touch my tesis because my lecturer :(
(haish... just remember what she has done to me already make me want to cry. errr)

anyway,, i warn u, this is a very long post about my thought. LoL

i discuss and talk with a lot people lately about work and why they choose their job now,

people with a young age will told me that their job is not their passion, and they will resign soon
and the old one told me that their job give them security both from financial and career.
this people give me different advise regarding their situation now,

well in my young age
(aih, i have pass my midle of quarter life already anw, so that i am not young anymore, hiks)
i always asking everyone that i know, or someone that i already know,
everything about life. i always love this topic. so that i always asking question to them.

well the conclusion for me is different with everyone advise toward me. hehe
for me, is not about passion, money, career that drive me to work.
it's about how much what i do can change and help other.
that drive me, so that even i am exhausted, strees, i didnt give up on my work.
because i know, what i do now will give opportunity to other people to life well, and give their family opportunity to have a better life.
for me, my life is not all bout me, it's about higher purpose.
it's all about God
passion will change, but if u know that ur existence giving meaning to other.
it will moree more more make u feel that ur life is worthed,
that ur u live ur life not only for u only (to fullfil ur passion and dream) but also to other.

honestly, sometimes i want to quit from my recent job,

there is always a reason for quit (for every worker out there, i think u know this feeling too, LoL)

just like there is always a reason for complain for life.

so for me, this is a normal thought for everyone who are worker, LoL

but i still stay in here, and it almost 4 years, LoL
and every year i always send my cv to other company, LoL

i count this for my first job, because my first job is being a assistent of assisten of lecturer (this didnt count since i just always getting scolled lol) and the second i just only on training for 2 month, so i never experience the real job.

but trully, i dont like politic, (i bold and underline this. haha because i really hate it. lol)

i see with my eyes, when a nice people fall just because power,

i see how greedy people when it about money,

i am not feel secure with other people in my office (not my team and boss of course) 

i always think someday they will shoot me from back if they know my lack so that i never open for everyone at my office. they look me as an arrogant girl, and i never care what they think about me.

and if this is vdy from 4 years ago, i will cry in toilet if people talk bad about me, now i choose not to hear that. now when people talk bad and try to frame me, i can tell about it with laugh,

well sometimes i worry that people will trust that frame, but i know that God Himself will clear my name at the right time, so i never care

and if this is vdy from 4 years ago, i will hate used by other, but now i think if people can use me, it means i am one step infront of them. well this is my honor anw, :p

and if this vdy from 4 years ago, i hate people who licker, have 2 face, unfaithfull. but now, i just like themmm....lol. they just like live entertaining for me. lol. i dont have watch a sinetron to see how the bad people trying to hurt a good people. i watch it. and the fun part is when i try to figure what they to do after licker, etc. well the hardest part is when u have to wait a long time to know the ending of the bad people (well sometimes they didnt get their karma in the earth ) because real life doesnt end in 2 hours just like drama did. sigh

in other part, i love my job, i like my boss and collegue,

my boss and colleague just like family for me, we always laugh together, sharing a gossip together, talking about other, we always take care each other, giving an advice to each other even to our boss we do that, make a mistake is allowed, and being creative and not follow the rules to complete our task is not forbid.

this is one of the reason why i still work in here,

an i know that in this area, i can be a blessing for other, really.

blessing for constituen of my boss and blessing for my country when i do my best when i work in bill.

but people's advise about that i dont have a career in here always trouble me,

the people in politic still scare me (well just sometimes, because i know God will protect me and i know that i always true and do not do things that are not good)

the uncertainty in this job field makes me fell uncomfort,

well this is my process,

to find my potential and develop it,

to know what God's want from every single time that i spend,

to not scare for what infront of me but relly in God's plan.

"u dont know what will happen to u" thats make usnot comfortable, and turn to fear.

when we life in fear, we will choose our path with not think.

and our life will turn to be more mess.

and now i know,

the art of life is to hear God's voice,

life is just like u walk in a deep tunnel with no light,

u can not see anything and not see a light,

u just have a big trust, and ask to someone who know the direction of the end of tunnel.

u can not see him, touch him, u just can hear His voice from ur heart.

and if u using ur brain, and u think u know the direction, u will lost.

because when u stubborn and think u know everyting, u will ignore His Voice.

that's why u must always have a relation with him, so that u will not lost.

see this is a long post. lol